Most things in life happen accidentally. I fell in love too in that way. I don’t know how and why and I can’t happen to answer those questions ever.
But somehow life had to show me how it feels like to love someone (who apparently, didn’t love me back.)
For those who are reading my story and haven’t been in love, then… I hope you once try and decipher the emotions I am gonna use in this write up.
So, how does it feel like when you fall in love for the first time?
It happened to me when I was in my ninth grade. Yes, teenage of course…
Don’t worry, even I thought it was an infatuation… will go away.. but unfortunately.. it lasted… quite a while.
It sounds like movies, but it’s really true!
When I used to see him…I would feel butterflies in my tummy… when he was near me.. my knees would turn to jelly… & I would soon turn red.
If my eyes would meet his gaze… I would think of nothing but getting lost into him…
I could spend the entire day just looking at him…
Everything about him was just so beautiful. Those were the times I would believe in fairy tales… and I so wished him to become my Prince Charming…
Every day of my school life, became a whole new experience for me after that.
I started listening to romantic songs, watch romantic movies and imagine him along with me. Always.
Then came a time when we started talking on a regular basis… and eventually, we became bestfriends.
I didn’t want to be friendzoned by him. But still, I was adjusting to the fact that being his bestfriend is “Okay” because at least I’m getting some excuse to stay close to him most of the time.
When you fall in love for the very first time, you fall real hard.. and that hurts. Quite naturally.
But then came 2014, and Bam!
Here comes the twist in the tale.
No, don’t be excited, he didn’t fall for me. Something unexpected happened.
He asked me out on a date. (Whoa that was what I wanted for so long)
And the date as far as I recall, quite clearly, was 28th April 2014.
Yes. And that was the day when I shared my first kiss with my first love. (Sounds so fairytale-ish)
But from here my life started taking a U-turn.
Instead of growing as a person, I fell into an entangled mess. I screwed my life, created distance with my parents, lost friends, lost trust and most importantly, lost myself in the process.
No. I don’t blame him for that…afterall, you cannot clap with a single hand.
But those were the best and the darkest period of my life.
I used to cry every single night in self pity… thinking what is so wrong with me that his feelings doesn’t grow for me at all? Was there any deficit in my love for him?
I don’t know what it was.
But maybe, some things are just not meant to be?
I know I had given my 100 percent… he couldn’t have asked for more. I didn’t leave any stone unturned for making him happy… to express how I feel for him. I made him my world, my only priority…
But, unfortunately it wasn’t the same from his side. I know, its sad. But its okay.
I had a lesson and…
What I learnt?
->To fake smiles. To become stronger, inside out.
To be a better person with time.
It took me 6 long years to move on. Trust me it was difficult. But we cannot be stuck with the same chapter of a book right? We need to turn the page and move on.
So, I did.
I wish him luck and hope he gets success in his life. No hard feelings.
That’s it for now. I’ll take your leave. Goodnight. Goodbye.